Tag Archives: Parents

Book Excerpt I’m Ok, You’re My Parents How To Overcome Guilt, Let Go Of Anger, And Create A Relationship That Works

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Book Excerpt: I’m OK, You’re My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works

Laughing through the Apocalypse
With the fearful strain that is on me night and day if I did not laugh I should die. –Abraham Lincoln
Laughing is probably the last thing you feel like doing when your parents are driving you insane, but that is precisely the reaction you should have sometimes. Throughout the ages, much humor has been derived from the antics of bumbling dads, meddling mothers-in-law, and overindulgent parents of all sorts. Think Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Woody Allen, Philip Roth. From Sanford and Son to Meet the Parents and The Royal Tenenbaums, relations between adult children and their mothers and fathers have been a rich topic in popular culture. There is good reason for this: almost everyone periodically finds themselves in situations with their parents that walk the line between harrowing and hilarious.
One of my clients, a top executive at a huge entertainment company, brought his mother to the Grammy Awards. After introducing her to some of his colleagues, he brought her over to say hello to Mariah Carey. His mother took one look at the singer’s gown — cut down to her navel — and asked in a voice tinged with disapproval, “Do you work for my son?”
“No,” said Carey. “I’m an entertainer.”
“I’m sure you are, my dear,” said his mother, turning on her heels.
Did you laugh when you read that? I certainly did when my client told me that story. He was mortified by how his mother had acted, and I was trying to be sympathetic, but I couldn’t help myself — a little guffaw just slipped out. And you know what? When he saw me laugh, he started laughing too. In fact, we both laughed so hard tears came to our eyes. I still smile now every time I think of his five-foot-two-inch mom in her spangly pantsuit giving Mariah Carey the cold shoulder.
My point is that learning to see your parents’ foibles — and your sometimes overblown reactions to them — as humorous, at least on some level, is healthy and extremely productive. Seeing that your life resembles a not-ready-for-prime-time reality show can be as efficient as the SWAT explosives unit at diffusing any bombs your parents throw at you.
And learning to laugh to yourself at your parents — yes, it’s something you may have to learn — will also provide you with great material to share with friends and family. That’s important, because telling funny stories about your zany http://www.robloxcheatshacks.com/ parents is a good way to drain the share here drama and heartache out of your dealings with them. And that’s a giant step toward putting it all in perspective and eventually dealing with your parents in a sane, strategic manner.
With whom should you share such stories? Well, for starters, your Second Opinion will enjoy hearing you talk about your parents with humor. He or she already knows the players and what’s at stake, and — if you have chosen your S.O. carefully — will be overjoyed to hear that you are dealing with the conflict in a less loaded 8 ball pool hack tool way. Everyone loves a good story. There is no greater tension reliever than being able to transform an annoying interaction with your parents into a ruefully funny story to tell your partner as you both lay in bed at night. The person you love probably has heard his or her share of horror stories, listened to you complain endlessly, probably with good reason, about your burden. If you can occasionally rework the drama into a comedy, it will make listening to your complaints much easier the next time around.
I realize that recasting the drama between you and your parents into a comedy is not always easy. Laughter requires distance. Unless you put some space between yourself and the situation, learn to float above it and look down at the dynamics from a safe place, you will not be able to appreciate the inherent humor, however black, in the situation. If you allow yourself to be stuck in the role of victim, you will feel threatened and angry instead of bemused and in possession of a good story for your friends.
Imagine your family as a sitcom. Even though you may react to that suggestion by saying, “But the things that go on between me and my parents aren’t funny; they’re tragic,” remember that, on paper, the friction on Everybody Loves Raymond, or All in the Family, could have been tragedy, too. The guilt in those shows is thick and unwieldy, as are the insults and humiliations. But the writers work hard to tap into the universality of suffering, which can be funny in a poignant, human way. They tried to find the humor in misplaced pride, in petty self-interests, in love gone awry. That is how I want you to love here view the friction between you and your parents, at least from time to time. What role would you play? What actors would you cast as your mom and dad? What would your character do differently? What funny lines would you give yourself? Where would the laugh track chime in?
You might also create a parental humor support group with some friends and swap tales of your parents’ silly behavior. Avoid complaining; concentrate on the nutty narratives. Not only will such sessions alleviate an unbelievable amount of stress, but they will show you that you are not alone. They may even show you that some people have parents even crazier than yours.
Humor can exist in the most painful and difficult of situations. In urging you to find the humor in your situation, I am not suggesting that you mask your darker feelings — merely that you not be overwhelmed by them. The key is to accept that your parents can be simultaneously annoying (or humiliating or sad or manipulative) and funny. And that you can sometimes be funny or at least light-hearted in your response to them.
There is a big difference between manufacturing humor (it will always feel phony and hurt more than it helps) and cultivating it if even the faintest whisper of humor lurks in any situation. That is a gift that will last you for many years. As Mark Twain said, “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”
Copyright © 2004 Dale Atkins and Nancy Hass
(Excerpted from the book I’m OK, You’re My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works by Dale Atkins, Ph.D., Published by Henry Holt; April 2004; $24.00US/$34.95CAN; 0-8050-7353-1)

Parents To Blame For Children’s Comprehension Woes

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Parents To Blame For Children’s Comprehension Woes?

Are you to blame for your child’s poor performance in school?

Does your child actually understand what they are more information reading? Poor comprehension is a major contributor to bad grades and frustration at school. It is often assumed by teachers and school systems that if a child does not have good comprehension by the fifth grade they never will. This is completely false.

Comprehension means understanding what you read. Not just saying the words, but truly understanding the meaning and being able to explain what you have read to someone else.

According to The National Adult Literacy Survey, National Center for Education Statistics: Nearly 50% of the Americans surveyed cannot read well enough to find a single piece of information in a short publication, nor can they make low level inferences based on what they read.

According to ACT(The independent, not-for-profit organization American College Tests, Iowa, 2005), Only Half of ACT Test-Takers Have College-Ready Reading Comprehension Skills

Many children and adults assume that everyone has the same understanding problems they do. Some assume they simply can’t read well, quit trying, and go on with their life. They do not realize that there are methods to improve comprehension.

Unfortunately, many students never receive the training they need in elementary and middle schools. The teachers may cover the basics of reading pokemon go cheats tool but never spend time teaching students comprehension methods. Teachers often assume that children either get-it or they don’t. This type of teaching has led to many frustrated students falsely assuming they are less intelligent than others. They were never taught to read like other students. The result is that they have no interest in reading and do poorly in school.

When a child enters high school, the teachers do not have time or interest to re-teach them how to read. Students are then bombarded with more reading requirements and expected to understand more advanced materials. They simply do not have the skills do perform well because they cannot understand what they are reading.

Who is to blame for this? The school systems can take some of the responsibility, but ultimately it is parents who have failed their children.
We all know that children whose parents read to them at a young age do better in school, but have you ever wondered why this was so? Parents are actually teaching reading and comprehension skills to young children. Even if the child is not old enough to read, parents can model skills for them that they will use later. The hungry shark world cheats hack tool interactive experience helps a child build reading skills which makes them more prepared when they begin school.

Parents often misunderstand how this teaching works. The parent may read mechanically to the child which results in a bored, fidgety child who only learns that reading is boring and something they want to avoid. The parent thinks they are helping the child but they are actually damaging the child’s visit here ability to read in the future.

A parent with poor comprehension may read poorly to a child and cause the child to become confused. This in turn teaches the child that reading is confusing and hard to understand even for adults.
Parents must learn how to read properly to their children and how to model good reading habits.

Parents must

*Model good reading habits
*Show a child that reading can be enjoyable
*Demonstrate how to extract meaning from the words beyond the literal meaning
*Stimulate a child’s imagination using associations with written words
*Make reading enjoyable

By showing your child that reading can be fun and interactive, you can open a new world to their child. Comprehension skills can improve your child’s school performance, increase their chances of attending college, and make their adult lives much more fulfilling by opening paths to better careers and to pleasure reading.

Parenting A Teenager Why A Teen Stops Listening To Her Parents

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Parenting A Teenager – Why A Teen Stops Listening To Her Parents

I have been mothering for many years and am currently parenting a teenager (my third). One of the biggest lessons animal jam hack ios I have learned is that if your teen has stopped listening to you, then you have lost the parenting game.
Recently I more details sat down with a young woman (I’ll call her Cindy) who is 17. I asked her to tell me what types of situations make her stop listening to her parents.
Here are Cindy’s answers.
“I don’t listen to my parents when they start yelling. Doesn’t matter what they are saying, I just don’t hear them anymore.
“Another situation that makes me stop listening to my parents is when I am trying to relate a story about a friend and my parent interrupts me with a lecture about how I do the same thing.
“Well maybe I do and maybe you need to tell me something about it, but hearing me out first would at least tell me you care about what I’m saying, too.
“Another example of when I stop listening to my parents is when they lay out requirements for me in a specific situation and I meet those requirements, but I still don’t get what I was working towards. Somehow the rules change on me. This makes me want to find a new loophole that will get around what my parents say but still somewhat satisfies their requirements. I feel like I’m not being listened to so I have to work around them.
“One more thing I’d like to add, too. Teenagers hate hearing “because I said so”. My mom tells me sometimes that’s just what needs to be said, and I think that’s okay if it doesn’t get over-used. But really, teenagers need to know the reason behind a rule so we can learn to make those decisions ourselves.”
Wow. Powerful stuff. The implications from Cindy’s comments are clear. Parenting a teenager can be a lot easier if you work with your teen, not against him. Like the rest of us, teenagers want to know they’re being heard. (If you can use more strategies for parenting teenagers, please see the author’s resource box following this article.)
Parenting a teenager is a bit of a detective game. Check your own behaviors and words to see if you are exhibiting any of the signs Cindy talks about that makes her stop listening to her parents. Be honest with yourself.
Watch closely during the interactions you have with your teen. Take note of when the conversation closes down. Is your teenager really done talking or has something you’ve said or done made her put up an emotional wall?
This may seem like a lot of hard work to you and you’re right, it is. But you are the adult in this situation and it’s up to you as the parent to show your teen how relationships work. You are in charge of the communication tools that can get your teenager listening to you.
Be interested in your teenager and his life. It may take awhile for your teen to hungry shark world hack respond to you, but hang in there. Believe me, it’s worth the investment of time and energy.
Here’s another powerful idea that you can hungry shark world cheats hack tool try today. How about asking YOUR teen what makes her stop listening to you? Do you have the courage to hear the answers?
I’ll bet you do. Sometimes the hardest part is getting started. Here’s what you need to know: when it comes to parenting a teenager, listening gets easier with practice.
So go give your teenager a hug and ask him a question that requires you to listen.
You can do it! And your teen will come to love you for it.